Six Months...

Written June 23, 2011

Today we should be celebrating the day you turned 6 months old.  To most, 6 months would not have been a huge accomplishment.  But for us, this day would have been a huge marker!  Doctors had told us that if you could make it through the first year, your chances would be greater.  Today would have been the half way point of that short journey and we would be so proud of all you have accomplished in 6 months.  We would still be holding our breath waiting to see what the next 6 months would have brought us.  We would be wondering what would be the next road block you would face and what you would do to overcome it, what new things you would have accomplished, and best of all, 6 more months of our Munchers!!

Today is your 6 month birthday and I am so happy for today.  6 months ago today in the early morning hours of December 23 you physically came into our lives and changed it forever.  I will always remember when I first saw you and you took my breath away.  With my breath, you also stole my heart.  And I would never be the same again.  I looked at you as they placed you on the table and thought, “Oh my God, she is so beautiful! How did I create such a thing of beauty?  And look at all that hair!” 

And then I heard your first cry.  Oh, what a sweet sound that was and I thought to myself, “OK, we passed the first marker, she appears to be breathing.”  This was the first of many things you would overcome.  Doctors had prepped us for this.  They told us you may not be able to breathe because your lungs may have been underdeveloped.  We were all worried but put our faith in God that he would help you pull through.  They brought you to your mom as she lay on the operating table for the 2 of you to finally meet in person. I started to cry.  The look you gave your mom and the look she gave you were just priceless, and I thought, “This is my family, thank you God!” 

The doctors said they had to take you quickly into the NICU and started to leave.  I kissed your mommy on the forehead and told her I would take care of you and I followed.  There they began to examine you and you cried.  You cried as they measured you.  You cried as they washed your hair.  You cried as they examined your head, and I felt helpless.  I felt so helpless because you were crying and I could not hold you and comfort you.  A nurse must have saw this on my face and told me I could come closer and talk to you.  This moment in time I will always remember and I hold very close to my heart.  This is when I knew just how much I loved you and that I would do anything for my precious little girl.

 As I stood next to your table in awe of you, I was finally able to say something.  I remember saying, “It’s ok, daddy‘s here” and then you tuned you head.  You turned your head toward me, looked at me and stopped crying.  You looked at me with your swollen eyes as to say “Hi daddy, I love you!”  I was in shock as were the nurses.  I remember them saying, “Look, she knows your voice!”  I was amazed and speechless.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I cried again.  I cried and came closer and kissed you on the forehead.  As I pulled away you gave me this look.  It was a look I would come to see many more time in the future.  “Its ok daddy, I’ll be fine” was what you were telling me as I stood there crying over you.  At that moment, I stopped crying and thought “What an amazing little girl!  Your right, things will be fine.”  I felt at peace.  I felt your love.  And I felt Gods hands holding me up.

Today is your 6 month birthday and you are giving me gifts today.  Thank you Munchers for all of the wonderful memories you have given me, especially this one.  Thank you for 16 wonderful weeks in your presence.  Thank you for showing me the meaning of true love between a father and a daughter.  Thank you for all of your cries, your smiles, your dirty diapers, your late night feeding.  Thank you for bringing God back into my life. Thank you for bringing your mom and I even closer together.  Thank you for being you.   As I said before, I will never be the same and I thank you for that most of all. 

Today is you 6 month birthday and while I am happy for today I am also sad because you’re not here with us.  I wish that you were still here to help us celebrate today.  I wish you were still here to help celebrate many more birthdays and milestones.  I wish I could have seen you grow up.  I wish I could have seen you conquer the world.  I know you would have.  You were always so determined to do things your way, and I miss that too.  I miss you Zayana Grace!

Today is your 6 month birthday. Happy 6 month birthday Munchers!!  Mommy and daddy miss their little girl so much! We love you!

Always and Forever,

Your Loving Daddy