9 Months

My dearest Zayana,

Daddy has been thinking of you all morning.  I have been thinking about how today is your 9 month birthday!  I am sending you a big, big 9 month birthday wish and hung.  I wish that I could give it to you in person but unfortunately I can’t. Daddy has been thinking about what you would be doing today.  Would you be trying to roll over?  Would you be trying to sit up?  Would you be having long conversation with daddy about the geo-political climate of today?  Maybe not the latter but you probably would be more vocal today.  I miss that.  I miss the things that we never got together. I will always miss the missed.  But I will not try to be too sad today.  That was a couple of days ago with your Heaven Day.  Today is a day of happiness.  Today 9 months ago you changed my life forever. 

Oh Munchers I just miss you so much.  It’s hard to look at your pictures and not shed a tear.  But that is ok.  I don’t mind crying anymore, especially if it’s for you.  I love all of you pictures.  I love your smiling ones, your yawning ones, your stone face poker looks, I love them all.  I am so glad I was able to take so many.  Yet sometimes I wish had taken more. 

My little Munchers is 9 months old today!!  Yea!!  You’re getting to be such a big girl.  Are you being good for Grandpa Abe and great Grandpa Mendez in heaven?  Are you having a big party with all your little angel friends?  Are you making lots of new friends?  Oh of course you are!  Silly daddy for asking!  I’m sure if you had your way you would be on Gods Heaven welcoming committee and welcoming everyone into heaven with open arms.  It sounds like something you would do.  You would be especially welcoming to all the new little ones (especially the little snowflake angels) that had to unfortunately leave their mommies and daddies and had gone to heaven.  You would tell them “Hi, I’m Zayana.  Don’t be scared.  I too had to leave my mommy and daddy.  Don’t worry, they will be ok, God will take care of them and HE will let you see them from time to time. I know you miss them because I miss my mommy and daddy too, but God will be here to take care of us.  Come on; let me show you around and what we can do here in Heaven.  You’re gonna love it!”  That’s my girl!

So what do you think about being a big sister?  Yea, you’re gonna be a big sister!  Right now there is a little baby in your mommy’s belly.  But you already know that, didn’t you?  Was that you playing with your little brother (I think) during the ultrasound?  It looked like the both of you were playing tickle games.  He was moving so much for us!  I know that was you with him.  Are you excited?  I know I am.  While I may not feel as excited as when I heard that you were inside your mommy, I truly am excited to have another little baby.  I know I have been sad lately but that is not how I feel about your little brother.  I’m sad because you’re not here to enjoy it with us.  I know, you will always be here.  I know that you will always be watching over your little brother, acting as his guardian angel. 

I know Ziggy sounds like a silly name but let me explain.  Ziggy is not going to be his real name.  It’s just a little name we are giving him until we know what he is going to be.  For now he is Ziggy the Zygote.  When we find out what sex he is then we will give him his proper name.  I know, I keep referring to Ziggy as him.  That’s because my gut tells me that Ziggy is going to be a boy.  My gut knew that you were going to be a girl, and I told everyone.  Your mommy and everyone else thought you were going to be a boy.  Not daddy, I knew you were going to be my little girl!  So for the time being HE will be known as Ziggy until we find out that he is for sure a boy.  Im glad you approve!

Happy 9 month birthday Zayana Grace.  You continue to behave for grandpa Abe, great grandpa Mendez and Tia Eva, ok.  Daddy and mommy miss you so much and think about you every day.  You are always on our minds.  Remember, daddy is sending a big hug, kiss, and birthday wish your way.  Be sure to look for your balloons and bows later today, ok.  Daddy misses you.  I Love you Munchers!!!

Always and Forever,

Your Loving Daddy

Ziggy

More to come.......

September 19th: Two Years/Five Months

My Dearest Munchers,

Oh how I miss you so!  Yesterday was one of those bitter sweet days.  I was trying real hard to be happy, and for most of the day I was.  Let me explain a little as to why I was both happy and sad.  Yesterday, September 19th, was the 2 year anniversary of your mommy and daddy getting married.  Usually we would be so excited to celebrate such a day.  Don’t get me wrong because we were excited, it’s just that we were sad too.  We were sad because the best thing to ever happen to the both of us was not here.  One of the best things to come from our getting married was you and we were missing you so much on our special day.  But let me get away from the sadness for a bit and let me tell you a story of a very magical day…..

It all started on a cloudy September morning with of course rain.  Daddy was so worried that it was going to be a wet day and we would have to go to plan B.  Daddy did not want to go to plan be so he checked the weather report…….

As the hours ticked by we finally came to the moment that your daddy was able to see your mommy. That was a magical moment.I remember standing on the pier, with my back turned toward the dock.Then there was this tap on my shoulder and there she was, your mommy looking so beautiful. She looked like an angel.I was just amazed.I felt so lucky.We talked, we hugged, and we kissed. We took a lot of pictures before the ceremony was to start.I felt like I did not want that day to end

As the ceremony was beginning, I remember thinking to myself, “Hey, I’m not nervous”.  It all felt so right.  Yes Munchers that was God telling me that I was meant to be with your mommy.  As the people sat in front of me and family members and friends filed down the aisle I remember thinking I could not wait to see you mommy.  And there she was, all beautiful with a big smile!  I loved it! 

The ceremony was nice and the reception was a big hit.  We had many family and friends around and had a great time.  When it was all over it was just me and your mommy all alone.  We were married on the road to discovering a wonderful life together.  And then came you!  Our biggest blessing since that day!

And while September 19th is a happy day for us, the 19th of any month will also always bring me sadness.  Because you see the 19th is when you went to go and be with God.  It wasn’t the 19th of September; it was the 19th of April.  It was a long 5 months ago on that day we had to say goodbye to you.  And every month that has gone by is just as hard as the last if not harder.  The 19th of any month is just a harsh reminder that I don’t have you here to take care of.  I don’t have my Zayana Grace to hold and love and kiss and play with.  And every 19 of whatever month it is I just miss you more and more.  Every day you are not here with me just hurts. 

I miss you so much Munchers!  While the 19th of September 2011 was special, it just did not feel the same.  I was so looking forward to having you here to help us celebrate.  I was so looking forward to always having my Zayana Grace with me to tell mommy happy anniversary or happy birthday or happy mommy day.  I was looking forward to getting up with you while mommy was still sleeping and making her breakfast, bringing it to her and seeing her face just light up as we BOTH entered the room.  I wish we could have had that.   I wish you were still here.

And so Miss Zayana Grace, you see why daddy has such a tough time.  I know you do and I know that you miss me and your mommy too.  But you luckily have God to hold you and comfort you while you wait for your mommy and daddy.  He will always be there to comfort you and hold you and take care of you.  All things that I should be doing.  But if there is anyone I can leave you with in good capable hands, I think God would be the top of that list.  He will take care of you just your daddy would.  And in turn, He will take care of your daddy just the same.  I miss you my daughter and I will always love you!

Daddy loves you!!!

Always and forever,

Your loving daddy

BTW – Have you met Ziggy yet?  To be continued……….

Your Prayers Are Needed

To everyone that prayed for our family I would like to express my whole hearted thanks. But now I would like to ask you all for more prayers, not for us but for another family. We have been following the lives of Baby Jaela and her mommy and daddy and they currently are in need of many prayers. I wont go into to many details but Baby Jaela is currently in a battle for her life. While she seems to be doing better now she still is not out of the woods yet. She to has OI and is going through many of the same things that my precious Z went through. Please, please, please send you prayers there way because they need them so. I'm not one to ask much from others but if you could please help it would be greatly appreciated.

We know the battle and heartache they are facing all to close. And we know just how much it helps to have those prayers from people. Again I beg of everyone to pray for this family. We want to see Baby Jaela pull out of this. We want to see this family take home there baby. I have even pulled out the big guns and asked Z to come and be with Baby Jaela and help her. I know she is. She has always been such a helper. THANK YOU Z!! And thank you to everyone else, you just don't know how much each thought, prayer, phone call, or email helps. I love you all!

Always and forever,

Z's Daddy

If you want to follow up and read more on Baby Jaela, please follow the link to their blog on our blogroll, "Baby Jaela". Thanks again!

Stumped and sad

Dearest Z,

I was thinking hard today of something inspirational to say.  I wanted to incorporate something touching about remembering 9/11 and you and grief and the lives we live today.  I tried to think of something to say that would inspire.  Unfortunately I couldn't.  I tried but I was just feeling to exhausted and then everything I wrote just did not sound good enough.  So I decided to write something short and sweet and tell you that I love you.   I miss you so much and I just cant help but feel so sad.  I miss you.  I love you.  Take care my little sweetheart, daddy is thinking of his little girl.  Maybe tomorrow I will have something more to say.  I love you Munchers!

Always and forever,

Your Loving Daddy

Daddy's Girl

Precious Baby Girl,

One of my favorite things about our time together was watching you and your daddy interact. Oh my goodness! Such love! I got a greater glimpse into our Heavenly Father's love for us by watching him pour every bit of his heart into you, his little Munchers. He would have done ANYTHING for you. I think that sometimes he made me take naps just so he could spend some one-on-one time with his little girl. I can't blame him. I was the lucky one, getting to be with you all day when your daddy had to go to work. It broke his heart to have to leave the house. He would rush home, fling open the door and shout, "Munchers! Munchers! Daddy's home!" He cherished every second with you and there wasn't a moment that you weren't the very first thing on his mind.

The only thing that could match his love for you, was your love for him. Oh, the looks you would give him. Such adoration. Do you know how happy you made him when you would smile and try to laugh? He tried all sorts of things to make you smile. They always worked. Your bond was incredible. You and I have a very special bond, too, and our love for each other is just as big, but there was definitely a unique, beautiful connection between you and your Daddy. You and I know just how amazing your daddy is. Thank you for returing his love so powerfully. He deserved you as his daughter. The most special little girl for the most special man on the planet.

This is one of my most precious memories. The two people I love most on this earth just having fun and loving each other.

Just remember, Mommy loves you, too and misses you soooooooooooo much!