Strength

My dearest little Munchers,

I’m sorry you had to see me so sad yesterday.  I couldn’t help myself.  Yesterday was just one of those strong reminders that you are no longer here with us.  I know that your spirit will always be with us, watching over your mommy and me, trying to comfort us when we need it.  I know your there because I can feel you.  I swear I can feel you whispering in my ear.  I can feel you sitting on my shoulder, your little wings flapping like a hummingbird, trying to comfort your daddy.  I just wish you were really here sitting on my shoulder.

I’m better today Munch, just a little drained.  Your mommy was a big help yesterday.  She always helps me during the tough days.  Last night after praying for you over your crib all the sadness caught up with me and as I crawled into bed it all came out and I cried.  So many thoughts were going through my head; why were you gone? What could I have done differently?  Do you miss us? Why?  And them your mommy wrapped me in her arms and held me tight.  She whispered you name in my ear and held me close and let me cry.  I love your mommy so much!  She has such strength it reminds me of you.  She is such an amazing woman but I don’t have to tell you.  I’m sure you already know this from all of the sleepless nights she would be up with you, taking care of you, and loving on you.  Your mommy is truly amazing!

I also wanted to thank you for last week Munch.  You know how stressed our daddy was with all of the testing I had to go through.  Daddy prayed to you and to God to provide me with strength to get through it all.  And of course, you both came through.  Many times during the written exam I was losing concentrations and you were there to tell me to focus and calm me down.  Again I felt your presence on my shoulder telling me that I knew the answers.  Many time during the mile run daddy wanted to stop and quit.  But you wouldn’t let daddy quit you were behind me, pushing me, telling me that I could do it.  And wouldn’t you know it; daddy ran a mile in just over 7 minutes, faster than I thought I ever could. Many time during the obstacle course as daddy climbed the stairs, walked the balance beam, jumped the fence, you were there to tell me to keep pushing, that daddy was no quitter!!  After it was all done and I sat under the sun, I could hear you whisper, “Daddy, I’m so proud of you for pushing through!  It must have been really hard!”  I got in my car and wept.  Thank you my warrior princess for your strength! 

I will continue to ask you and God to provide me with strength and I know that you both will always help me out.  I know that some days will be so overwhelming that all of our strengths combined will not be able to hold back the sadness.  I’ve accepted this and will let the sadness overcome me.  But I know that I will not be sad for long.  Like any cloudy day (especially here in Portland!) it will burn off and the sun will shine through.  And when the sun breaks through and shines on me, it will warm me and comfort me.  On these sad days your strength and love will break though my sadness and warm and comfort my soul.  And I will not be sad, because of you!  Thank you Munchers for being so strong, and being my baby girl.

Daddy loves you and misses you so much!!

Always and forever,

Your Loving Daddy