A year ago our daughter Zayana Grace was born. Its hard to imagine that a year has passed since that early morning on December 23rd. Everyday I replay that day in my head and it helps to bring me comfort in this harsh reality that she is no longer here with us. It brings me conform because for me its like hitting the reset button and starting over. Once I go back to the day of her birth, I have another 16 weeks to live with her. I know that it will never bring back my daughter. I know that I am currently just filling the void that was left in my heart when she left. But for the rest of my life I will "reset" my mind to the 23rd of December and that faithful morning where I was able to first hear her little cry, be able to see that little swollen face of hers, and to be able to hold her once more.
A year ago I started to take pictures and videos of Zayana in order to have them forever and show her just how much she had overcome. Needless to say they along with my memories are all I have left of her. A friend of mine who also lost a child once said that he counted all of the picture he had and was both amazed and saddened by the number of pictures he had. Amazed in the number he was able to get during his all to short two month life and saddened that he was not able to take more and that he should have taken more. I too feel the same right now. I am so happy that I have all of these pictures and videos to look at but I wish I was able to take more or that I should have taken more. I know there are days that I did not pick up the camera because I felt like I didn't need to take a picture. I now second guess that decision. I should have taken more.
For the last year I have kept a lot of these pics and vids to myself. They have been mainly for my wife and I to look at when we needed reminders of our precious Z. Some family and friends have seen them but not all of them. I know that has been somewhat selfish of me but I can't help it, she was MY little girl and these pictures were OURS. But as time passed I decided to myself that I would not hold that all in anymore and I promised to Z that I would show everyone just how beautiful she was. As of today and for the next 16 weeks I will be living Zayana Grace's life here on the blog. I will post as many pictures and videos as I can. I will show everyone Zayana Grace in all her glory. I think this will help in my healing and in the healing of others. I am in the process of creating a channel on YouTube and posting all of her videos there and creating slide shows of her pictures for all to see. Zayana deserves it. Everyone else deserves it. So from today on I will post corresponding pictures and videos from the days that she was here. I have a couple of pics and videos for the 23rd and 24th and I will soon post them. And every day until that faithful day in April I will post. I love you my precious Zayana Grace! Daddy misses you so much Munchers!
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