Your Mommy's Birthday

My Sweet Little Girl Zayana Grace,

Hi Munchers!  Last time I wrote you was on your 9 month birthday and to tell you of your little brother.  Today I want to talk to you about another special day for us.  That special day is October 10th. You know why it’s so special?  It’s because this is your mommy’s birthday.  Yea that right, your mommy had a birthday yesterday.  Unfortunately it wasn’t a completely happy birthday.  Your mommy was sad yesterday because she missed you so much.  I don’t mean to say that its your fault little one, because its not.  To be honest everyday without you is a sad day, which makes special days like yesterday even harder.  Let me tell you a little about what we did to celebrate your Mommy's birthday.

On Friday we went to one of our most favorite places in the world, Manzanita.  We decided to take a weekend trip to the coast and spend some time to ourselves.  Of course we brought you along with us too.  While we know your spirit is always with us we also brought along our “Munchers Vision”.  You know Munchers Vision, it’s the digital frame we have with all of your pictures.  Mommy and daddy never go away without bringing our Munchers Vision along with us. As always it helps us to see all of your beautiful picture. 

We spent the majority of the weekend just being.  With our busy lives and our opposite schedule your mommy and daddy don’t really get enough time to be together.  So on weekends like this we just like to be together and try to relax.  We walked around the small town.  We walked along the beach when it was not raining. (BTW-thanks for the sunshine on Saturday!)  And as we always do, we talked about you.  We love to talk about you Munchers!  We laughed and we cried.  Together, we missed our little girl. 

Mommy was also able to write your name on the beach.  She loves to do that.  Every time we go to the beach, she writes your name in the sand.  I think it helps her.  She just writes your name so beautifully.  Beautiful writing for a beautiful name. After she was done we just stood there and admired your name.  We said a few words, we shed some more tears, and we told you just how much we missed you.  I don’t think we can ever tell enough just how much we miss you!

On her actual birthday (Monday) daddy decided to stay home with your mommy and spend more time with her.  Daddy loves spending time with your mommy.  We didn’t do much.  No real celebration just the two of us missing you.  Simba was really snugly with your mommy.  I think he knew she needed extra snuggles that day.  Your mommy was very grateful to him for snuggling, but I think she still wished it was you she was snuggling. 

It breaks my heart to see your mommy so sad. I wish that I could do something about it but unfortunately I know I cant.  Its just part of this process of grieving you.  Special days like birthdays and holidays just aren’t the same anymore.  I'm not saying that they wont be special again, its just hard to be excited about them when we miss you so much.  I don’t know what we are going to do for the holidays this year.  And with your 1 year birthday being just a couple days before Christmas……I just don’t know.

Anyways Munchers, I don’t want to get to down so I will talk to you later about that.  Please try to wish your mommy a happy birthday. I know that she would love to get a visit from you in her dreams.  If you cant come to her dreams, then maybe you could give her a sign that you are thinking of her.  I know she would love that.   Take care Munchers!  Mommy and daddy miss you very much!  I love you!

Always and Forever,

Your loving daddy

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To the most amazing woman I have ever met,


Your daily strength amazes me.  You are the most loving, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, beautiful, person I know.  You were meant to be Zayana's mommy and she was meant to be your daughter. Nobody could have taken care or loved her the way you did.  I wish I could do more to ease your pain.  If I could, I would go up to Heaven and bring our daughter back.  Thank you for letting me be your husband.  Happy birthday my love!  I love you so much!


Always and Forever,


Your Loving Husband