One month.....

Our little Munchers,

Its hard to believe that you have been gone for a month now.  As the days go by and the world continues to spin our lives have seem to come to a standstill and it is still hard to come to grips with everything.  Your mom and I spend lots of time thinking of you and dreaming of what could have been.  We talk lots of all of the good time we had,  "Remember when she did this...." and "Remember when she did that..." and "Remember how she would look when...".

At times I feel like all of this talking and thinking doesn't make things easier, but that goes away quickly when I look at a picture of you and your big beautiful brown eyes and that sheepish grin you use to have.   You brought so much joy into our lives and you still continue to do so as well.  And while it may not be with your physical presence, its with your spirit and your ever presence with our Lord. I know your up in heaven whispering in Gods ear, "Hey God, how bout a sunny day for my daddy because he's down today and we know that he loves sunny days"  or "Hey God, how bout a rainbow with the brightest orange possible because orange is my favorite color and mommy know I love orange" or "Hey God, how bout we play one of their favorite songs on the radio".  Its all of these little reminders that bring us so much joy because we can see your sweet little fingerprints all over them.  But they also can make us a little sad because it reminds us that your not hear with us. 

We still miss you so much and take turns crying for you.  We cry in each others arms and tell one another just how much we miss our Munchers.  We hold each other up and tell ourselves that your in a better place and that your looking down on us and that you miss us too.  We whisper to each other that you loved us with all of your heart and that you wouldn't want us to be sad for too long and that you would tell us to stop fussing over you because your OK and to be strong.  We're trying to little Z, but it sure is hard. 

I can tell you its hard to be strong when it seems like every passing day this just gets harder and harder.  As more time passes by it may eventually get a little easier but I honestly hope not too much because I never want to forget my precious little girl.  And I am sure that days like today and other events such as your birthday, holidays, and especially the day of your passing will always bring us great pain and sorrow because we miss our baby girl.  But because of your strength and how you taught us to be strong we will try to be as strong as our little warrior princess. 

An example would be like yesterday and today.  Yesterday daddy had it so hard because it was his birthday and all I ever wanted to do was spend it with my little girl.  It was hard for me to be happy when my arms felt so empty and my heart felt like it had a large hole in it.  But your mommy and God tried their best to make me feel better.  Your mom would put herself in my arms so they wouldn't feel so empty and God filled the hole in my heart.    While this did help, it was remembering just how strong you were that help me get through the day.  Daddy was going to try to be strong just like his little girl.  Today was more of the same because it has been a month today.  I pushed through most of the day but as soon as I got home, I cried.  I'm sure you saw me as I was sitting in your nursery looking at your pictures and writing you this letter.  And as I was looking outside the window, I could see your little fingers pulling back the clouds and making the sun come out.  This act little girl, again helped me to gather my strength.  Thank you.

So please continue to provide me strength and help me to be strong for your mommy. She loves you and misses you lots too and as you know she also has hard day.  Continue to whisper in Gods ear and provide us with those sweet little gifts.  We love them so much.  Daddy loves you Munchers and I will try to be strong for you. 

With all my heart and love,

Your Daddy