Friday, December 30, 2011
December 24, 2010 Slideshow
Here is the slideshow for the 24th, Zayana's second day on this Earth. She had lots of family come and visit her this day and while each person came in with low spirits, they left feeling full of hope. I swear that she is smiling in some of the pictures! Love you Munchers!
December 23, 2010 Slideshow
The Christmas season is now offically over and things are starting to get back to "normal" for Chris and I. We had some tough times over the holiday week, especially on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. As promised here are Zayana's pictures from when she was born. I will be posting more pictures and videos later.
Hope you enjoy this slideshow. Click on it and it will take you to the Picasa Web Album. Mommy and daddy miss you lots Munchers!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
December 24th and 25th, 2010
On December 24th I was able to compose myself and finally remember to record some video of our Z. I remember this day specifically because she was more awake on this day than the 23rd and more responsive as you will see in the video. On this day we also had our phone consult with the geneticist. I will to my dying day remembers that conversation. This is when we were told that Zayana Grace did have Osteogensis Imperfecta and that her diagnosis was dire. We were told that the likely hood of her survival was minimal and that we probably did not have long with her, maybe a couple of days. As you can believe it was very heartbreaking. I remember one specific conversation with the doctors where I asked if we would be able to take her home. Their response was "Lets take it one day at a time." Hearing that my heart just sank. Chris and I were just devastated. We sat there and cried for what seemed like a couple of hours thinking that the miracle we just received was going to be taken away.
In the midst of our heartbreak we decided to try to compose ourselves and be strong for our little girl. We wiped away the tears and walked back over to her crib. It seemed like one of the longest walk of our lives. And to hour surprise our little Z was awake and she seemed to know that we needed to be consoled, that we were the ones that needed to be picked up. I remember the look she gave us when we got to her crib. It was magical. She looked at us as to tell us, "I'm OK mom and dad, things will be fine." From then on we just knew that no matter what was said of our Z she would perceive and fight till the end. From then on we had hope.
On the 24th Zayana had lots of visitors. All of them coming in with glum hopes and prepared to say their goodbyes. They left with uplifted hearts and more hope than they could imagine. This was her gift to everyone that Christmas. My dad was a big recipient of her gift. I remember just how devastated he was when I told him the news that she may not live long. I had never seen him like this before, even when his father passed away. He just could not believe that his precious granddaughter Zayana Grace was on this Earth for a limited time. He was one of the first people I brought in to see Z. In the video you can see just how happy she made him. She gave him the gift of hope. Thank you little Zayana Grace for giving your grandpa this gift.
Here is Zayana Grace's second day on this Earth.
In the midst of our heartbreak we decided to try to compose ourselves and be strong for our little girl. We wiped away the tears and walked back over to her crib. It seemed like one of the longest walk of our lives. And to hour surprise our little Z was awake and she seemed to know that we needed to be consoled, that we were the ones that needed to be picked up. I remember the look she gave us when we got to her crib. It was magical. She looked at us as to tell us, "I'm OK mom and dad, things will be fine." From then on we just knew that no matter what was said of our Z she would perceive and fight till the end. From then on we had hope.
On the 24th Zayana had lots of visitors. All of them coming in with glum hopes and prepared to say their goodbyes. They left with uplifted hearts and more hope than they could imagine. This was her gift to everyone that Christmas. My dad was a big recipient of her gift. I remember just how devastated he was when I told him the news that she may not live long. I had never seen him like this before, even when his father passed away. He just could not believe that his precious granddaughter Zayana Grace was on this Earth for a limited time. He was one of the first people I brought in to see Z. In the video you can see just how happy she made him. She gave him the gift of hope. Thank you little Zayana Grace for giving your grandpa this gift.
Here is Zayana Grace's second day on this Earth.
On the 24th we also had Zayana baptized.
After a long day, Christmas came and we were a bit tired. But we were still very thankful that our little Z was still here and this is when Chris and I started our tradition of singing "Happy Birthday" to Zayana at 12:47am of every morning she was here. We did not get it on video but here we are waiting to sing to her. Merry Christmas
Merry christmas Munchers, daddy and mommy miss you very much! You would have looked so pretty in your Christmas dress. Love you mija!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
In Z's Memory
Since Z's passing Chris and I have talked about what we were going to do to memorialize our daughter. We know that we wanted to give back as we recieved so much love, help, and inspiration throughout her short life. We wanted to help educate and infom others about Z's life and what she was facing. Since then we have become advocates for speaking out about Osteogensis Imperfecta (OI) in numerous ways. We participated in Bloomsday not long after her passing and talked to everyone we could about OI. We wore yelow t-shirts with her pictures to help raise awareness for Wishbone Day. Chris established "From Z With Love" to help new parents with OI children learn more about the condition and let them know that they were not alone in thier struggles. We have also become very active in Brief Encounters, a support group we attend for bereaved parents.
And on her birthday we did our daughter the greatest honor we thought possible. We decided to collect items for the St. Vincents NICU where she spend her first 9 days. We colleced items from blankets to toys and donated them all to the NICU. Chris called it "Zayana's Birthday Bash" and we celebrated her birthday in the place she was born. It felt really good to give back on such a grand scale. I think it helped us get through the day.
Below is the KGW story they ran on us.
And on her birthday we did our daughter the greatest honor we thought possible. We decided to collect items for the St. Vincents NICU where she spend her first 9 days. We colleced items from blankets to toys and donated them all to the NICU. Chris called it "Zayana's Birthday Bash" and we celebrated her birthday in the place she was born. It felt really good to give back on such a grand scale. I think it helped us get through the day.
Below is the KGW story they ran on us.
Friday, December 23, 2011
A Year in Retrospect
A year ago our daughter Zayana Grace was born. Its hard to imagine that a year has passed since that early morning on December 23rd. Everyday I replay that day in my head and it helps to bring me comfort in this harsh reality that she is no longer here with us. It brings me conform because for me its like hitting the reset button and starting over. Once I go back to the day of her birth, I have another 16 weeks to live with her. I know that it will never bring back my daughter. I know that I am currently just filling the void that was left in my heart when she left. But for the rest of my life I will "reset" my mind to the 23rd of December and that faithful morning where I was able to first hear her little cry, be able to see that little swollen face of hers, and to be able to hold her once more.
A year ago I started to take pictures and videos of Zayana in order to have them forever and show her just how much she had overcome. Needless to say they along with my memories are all I have left of her. A friend of mine who also lost a child once said that he counted all of the picture he had and was both amazed and saddened by the number of pictures he had. Amazed in the number he was able to get during his all to short two month life and saddened that he was not able to take more and that he should have taken more. I too feel the same right now. I am so happy that I have all of these pictures and videos to look at but I wish I was able to take more or that I should have taken more. I know there are days that I did not pick up the camera because I felt like I didn't need to take a picture. I now second guess that decision. I should have taken more.
For the last year I have kept a lot of these pics and vids to myself. They have been mainly for my wife and I to look at when we needed reminders of our precious Z. Some family and friends have seen them but not all of them. I know that has been somewhat selfish of me but I can't help it, she was MY little girl and these pictures were OURS. But as time passed I decided to myself that I would not hold that all in anymore and I promised to Z that I would show everyone just how beautiful she was. As of today and for the next 16 weeks I will be living Zayana Grace's life here on the blog. I will post as many pictures and videos as I can. I will show everyone Zayana Grace in all her glory. I think this will help in my healing and in the healing of others. I am in the process of creating a channel on YouTube and posting all of her videos there and creating slide shows of her pictures for all to see. Zayana deserves it. Everyone else deserves it. So from today on I will post corresponding pictures and videos from the days that she was here. I have a couple of pics and videos for the 23rd and 24th and I will soon post them. And every day until that faithful day in April I will post. I love you my precious Zayana Grace! Daddy misses you so much Munchers!
A year ago I started to take pictures and videos of Zayana in order to have them forever and show her just how much she had overcome. Needless to say they along with my memories are all I have left of her. A friend of mine who also lost a child once said that he counted all of the picture he had and was both amazed and saddened by the number of pictures he had. Amazed in the number he was able to get during his all to short two month life and saddened that he was not able to take more and that he should have taken more. I too feel the same right now. I am so happy that I have all of these pictures and videos to look at but I wish I was able to take more or that I should have taken more. I know there are days that I did not pick up the camera because I felt like I didn't need to take a picture. I now second guess that decision. I should have taken more.
For the last year I have kept a lot of these pics and vids to myself. They have been mainly for my wife and I to look at when we needed reminders of our precious Z. Some family and friends have seen them but not all of them. I know that has been somewhat selfish of me but I can't help it, she was MY little girl and these pictures were OURS. But as time passed I decided to myself that I would not hold that all in anymore and I promised to Z that I would show everyone just how beautiful she was. As of today and for the next 16 weeks I will be living Zayana Grace's life here on the blog. I will post as many pictures and videos as I can. I will show everyone Zayana Grace in all her glory. I think this will help in my healing and in the healing of others. I am in the process of creating a channel on YouTube and posting all of her videos there and creating slide shows of her pictures for all to see. Zayana deserves it. Everyone else deserves it. So from today on I will post corresponding pictures and videos from the days that she was here. I have a couple of pics and videos for the 23rd and 24th and I will soon post them. And every day until that faithful day in April I will post. I love you my precious Zayana Grace! Daddy misses you so much Munchers!
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday to the prettiest, smartest little girl I know. At 12:47am one year ago today you changed our lives for the better. We love you and miss you so much Munchers! Hapoy birthday to my dear Zayana Grace Mendez!
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